I love the idea of getting healthy.
In reality? Well, in reality my job always seems to get in the way. Or so I tell myself when I look at the time and realize I’ve been sitting in my chair staring at my computer for eight straight hours, not moving, and eating whatever I can find in my desk drawer.
So, in no particular order, here are all the lies I tell myself on a weekly basis:
- No more excuses! Starting bright and early tomorrow, I’m going to get up at sunrise and exercise before I head to the office. It’ll be great! I’ll get pumped up for my day, I’ll burn one million calories, and I’ll probably add six years to my life. To be honest, Tom might not even recognize me at our 9 AM status meeting—but I simply refuse to apologize for getting buff overnight.
- This is the last time I say yes to eating the free cookies in the kitchen.
- Oh wow! Does sunrise always happen this early? I think I’m jumping into this “exercise before work” routine without putting enough thought into it. Plus, I’m really tired this morning and there’s no way I’ll survive my day of meetings without this extra sleep. In fact, I might actually get into trouble if I’m not fully alert today. Besides, Wednesday seems like a better day to start.
- I know I swore off free kitchen desserts, but I’m having a rough day and I deserve a treat. It’s called self-care and I think it’s important everyone practiced it.
- Wow oh wow! This week has flown by and it’s already Wednesday. And while I said I’d start my new routine today, it actually feels sort of weird to start a new habit midweek. So, scratch that plan. But next week—oh man!—next week better be ready for an energy tornado.
- I’m going to start taking the stairs instead of the elevator. That’s like, such an easy way to get my heartrate up.
- I’m having the best day ever and I legally must celebrate by eating these free kitchen cookies.
- Tomorrow, I’m going to switch from coffee to tea.
- If I cut this donut into quarters, I will just eat one quarter and stop. Two quarters at most. Three quarters if it’s really good. But I will stop at three quarters. Unless, that last quarter looks sad sitting all alone, in that case, I should eat that one, too.
- I’m going to get up from my seat every hour, on the hour, and take an office lap.
- If I bring my gym bag to the office, I will 100% go straight from my desk to the treadmill. Unless—and I can’t imagine this would happen, but I want to plan for all possible scenarios—someone asks if I want to grab a drink. In that case, I’d have to say yes because teamwork makes the dream work.
- Standing desks look fun!
- I will truly enjoy eating salad for lunch every day this week. And I will not stare enviously at my co-workers eating pizza in the kitchen. Nor will I “accidentally” forget my salad at home on Friday, meaning I have no choice but to suggest to my team that we just order pizza.